(Source: katieb1013)
Hey my names Matt and I do stuff with my life. Well try. I spend most my spare time juggling or meowing like a cat.
You'll get to live inside my head while I post the most pointless things ever. There will be matter behind the madness youll just have to find it just dont believe everything I say.
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(Source: alextrager, via whiskeycourier)
Anonymous asked
i made $150 today on tumblrtasks(.)com check it out but dont tell anyone about it
Woops. SORRY CHUCK
Mirror Self Pics
If you’re going to read this. Don’t bother
I’m going on holiday soon. To wales. So its not an abroad holiday. More like a long road trip to stay at my uncles house with my girlfriend. He won’t be there. We will have the whole place to ourselves. My dead grandmas old place. Filled with her possessions photos, memories, cups, plates everything she used and owned everyday.It will be weird. I’ll be a bit freaked out I reckon, I’ll be more freaked in case someone tries to break in and kill us. But I always think people are going to kill me so it doesn’t matter. I’m just always ready for the attack. Like how ninja’s are constantly aware. I have no idea where I am going with this. But yeah I’ll go for 5 days North wales. anyone who lives north wales and wants a visit or to meet me. Please get in touch.
(Source: findsomehoodoopriest, via easyluckyandfe)
Copy of a copy of a copy.
Sirius guys. Why is it when I have a family meal with grandparents. My brother didn’t come he was hungover the main reason we did the meal cause he’s going away for a month to Kenya with the armed forces. Exciting stuff. But the conversation always reverts to my grandparents and my mum Step cunt talking about wine. Wine this wine that cheese and wine. WINE WINE WINE. Then my step cunt will get port out. And my grandparents will talk about who is driving home as the designated driver. This happens everytime without fail. I wish I was too hungover I was out drinking with him I wore a Hawaiian shirt. I pulled it off and everyone loved it. I also met some drunk woman who was obsessed with how tall I was and how she knew my dad like it was the only conversational piece she could think of. I crabbed away slowly when she turned round to find her drink and hid. Then a pitch black walk home as the street lights get turned off after midnight.
Whenever I get sent home about 8 hours early I drink from my chalice to congratulate myself on not having a very secure job.
I’m glad 4 hours sleep for a 10 hour shift = 6 hours of missing sleep. So I’m running on overtime. But then this happens I get sent home. Surely this is an act of mercy when I was in my car this morning dreading work nearly falling asleep before I got out. I got my own parking space now. I feel more important than the other low life scum who don’t have one. MWHAA. Something very surreal creepy and quite frankly disturbed the tits of me last night. I was driving home about 1am. And I saw something in the road up ahead so I slowed down and it was a middle aged woman crying in the middle of the road and she saw me and started crying saying. ‘Please help I don’t want them inside anymore’ Which I think she said I could make out through the crying and she kept repeating it. She had something in her hand not sure what. And I leaned out the window and said in the most pleasant of ways you can be when your driving home at 1am and tired as a 10 dollar whore. I told her to ‘Get the fuck out of the way’ Then she walked towards my car and her face was hella scary like she looked possessed and that creeped me out so I reversed and tried to drive round her but she kept walking in the path of my car. I had thoughts of just knocking her over and getting out of the car and shoving her out the way but I knew it was a morally wrong decision. Then I told her to get out my way again. honked my horn. Still wouldn’t move. I said I’ll phone police if you want and she eventually moved and I called her a slut as I drove past her. It wouldn’t of bothered me so much and I probably would of helped her if she didn’t look like she would stab me to death in the street with a rusty shank. DONT JUDGE ME!
Looking particularly gross after work, but whatever. Matthew’s letter arrived today!
Barely anyone’s written me a proper mailed handwritten letter before so this means quite a bit. Not to mention the fact that it’s absolutely hilarious.
Handwritten letters, yay!
SHES TALKING ABOUT ME GUYS, LOOK A PRETTY GIRL IS TALKING ABOUT ME. AND GOT MY LETTER AND WASN’T CREEPED OUT.
He tries to embrace her
She wants him to race her
He needs a laser
To get it through her skull
Means and lies and hatreds
Tears that fall in sequence
Cold caress, imprints
Conversation growing dull
Says he’s a poet
Lousy protozoan
And he kisses ass for free
I took a vow of silence
When he tries to talk to me
I just turn on the TV
He tries to impress her
Mentally undress her
It takes more to possess her
But in his pocket lies a hole
He’s got a thousand talents
Charisma by the bagful
Aristocratic parents
A rebel with a heart of gold
Says he’s a poet
This time he’s gonna blow it
‘Cause he’s dancing with his ego
I took a vow of silence
When he reads his work to me
I swallow words like a
Placebo
He’s strutting with your flesh mechanic
Gets him in a panic
He’s wasting time
‘Cause everybody is a star in his eyes
Careful not to give your favours
To your lonesome fucked-up neighbours
I had one who sent me her heart
In a Tupperware container
All the movies in my head
They flicker with my bleeding heart
A careless slipping of the tongue
On just another private part
Blatant search for stoned affection
Fights the rust that breeds infection
Meet me at the intersection
Don’t forget your fuel injection
He’s strutting with your flesh mechanic
Gets him in a panic
He’s wasting time
‘Cause everybody is a star in his eyes
You think this love is bona fide
You’re being taken for a ride
Wrap your lip around your head
And slowly blow yourself away
